We heard from a man! I Need Your Input!
Welcome back!
I got the most fascinating email last week and thought I’d be interesting to you. Subject: Fat men
I came across your website today and it looks interesting. Being a fat MAN myself though I have to wonder what it offers me? I know your goal is to enlighten, but you make giant mistake of furthering the gender divide in our society while trying to break down the walls of obesity. Wouldn’t you be better served to do away with all this gender role crap and embrace us as a human family? There are fat guys with just as much pain and issues as you ladies. Think about it for a moment, by stating that you specifically serve women in their need for acceptance you are at the same time implying that they are weaker than men and need more help! You are also implying that fat men are totally cool with their obesity and don’t need help discovering their true inner self. Perhaps, like all the things in this world that appear to be helpful, you are simply in this for financial gain exploiting women by making them feel like special victims. I hope that is not the case. (Name not published because I didn’t ask him.)
And here’s what I said back to him:
I am thrilled to see that men are reading my site! Thank you for your candor and feedback. When my book is published, it will definitely benefit you. I hope you signed up for the ezine. That splash page is over a year old and will be replaced with the real site (less gender specific) sometime soon.
I can see how you would think what you’ve written below but in fact, that is NOT what motivated me. My sole purpose in speaking to women is:
1. I am a woman and I understand women better than I understand men. That’s just a fact of life and I cannot be what I am not.
2. I can only afford to market to one market segment so I’m choosing the one I am most familiar with.
3. In speaking to women, I am thinking they are the STRONGER of the two genders and can learn faster and thus help their men.
4. My site is about love not financial gain. I have some financial limitations myself getting this and my book to market and it’s being done at great personal sacrifice.
5. Inside the community, there will be lots of intense mental work done for the sake of baring one’s soul and letting it all hang out. I will ask the women if they are okay doing this work in the presence of men. My thinking is that they would not be, but unless I ask them, I’ll never know.
It is my intention to market my materials (book and site) to other market segments as I can afford to.
Again, thank you so much for your email. You are welcome to join us. I hope you read the blog. It’s very useful.
Update: He did not answer my answer.
OKAY, LADIES, HERE ARE THE QUESTIONS:
Only women? Men and women? What would YOU like? If you go on the Forum to do the deeply introspective work of self correction, would you be comfortable with both men and women? Please weigh in with your opinion. (And Mr. J, if you’re reading this, I’d particularly value your additional input.)
Love,
Pat
September 9th, 2007 at 10:51 am
If I were part of a community that was doing deep, personal work about weight I would feel very uncomfortable having men involved. I don’t think for one minute that men are better or worse, stronger or weaker, have more or less pain, etc. What I do think is pretty much what you said–we’re different, that’s all. A lot of the issues I have revolve around how men perceived me and treated me when I was much younger. Whether the men who might want to be part of the forums have those same feelings about women or not, I’d be hesitant to express the fullness of me feelings.
Thanks for sharing this with us and honoring that we all have different perspectives.
September 9th, 2007 at 10:57 am
Ah, Cynthia, my thinking exactly. I hope Mr. Man is reading this! Thanks for your words.