Has summertime shown up at your house yet? This is the time I used to sweat until I learned to love and accept myself. I’ve always run toward “hot” versus cold. I’m not one of those women who puts on and takes off layers of clothes. I wear cotton year round because it’s more comfortable and cooler. Yes, short-sleeved cotton in the wintertime. I do own sweaters but seldom wear them.
I once thought that because I was a large woman, I was not entitled to dress coolly because my bat wings might hang out, or because my thighs jiggle too much. One day when it was very hot and the humidity factor was quite high, I had taken a shower and in order to dry off, I just laid down in my bed under the fan. I began to think about comfort, because that was a very comfortable feeling I was experiencing. I allowed myself to drift into the depths of that comfort, and I asked myself “Okay, here you are, a fat woman. Would you feel any differently right now if you weighed 100 pounds less?” My answer was “No, I wouldn’t.”
That was when I began to reason about being comfortable: Does comfortable only come to the thin? Is comfortable only for those who don’t obsess about the size of their bodies? Can comfortable be enjoyed by the corpulently obese? If the answer to that last one is “Yes” what permits the enjoyment of being comfortable? Does it have a link to size at all?
I decided that “comfortable” and “the current weight” has no links except the links that I may have arbitrarily assigned to them, and that if I assigned them, I could also dissolve them. So I decided right then and there that regardless of what that big mouthed scale of mine spit back at me, I was going to permit myself to feel comfortable no matter what.
I wear a bathing suit to the beach. I wear sleeveless sun dresses. I wear shorts. I feel comfortable. Do I get looks? Possibly. I wouldn’t know because I no longer look for the scorn of others. I’m focused on my own comfort. I deserve it. I enjoy it. I think I’ll repeat it frequently. This kind of decision is part and parcel of the arena called spiritual healing. Perhaps you’ll consider this healing for yourself this summer. You’re definitely good enough to deserve it.