I want to remind you, my cherished readers, that I define diet and exercise from a mental perspective. For me, diet means permitting myself to think only those thoughts that allow returning my body to a normal weight, size and shape. And exercise means exercising my mentality through the thinking of only those thoughts that allow my return to normal.
That being said, I had a tough week this week. When I did my mental work, I found it very difficult to attach myself to the feeling of absolute conviction I’d had in weeks past. Then, I began to worry… to fear that I’d look like an ass in front of you… that I’d lose credibility with my audience. And because worry and fear are mental road blocks, I gained two pounds this week. I felt dismayed! I immediately began to search for the lesson, because life and it’s experiences are lessons. I don’t want to repeat this one again, so it behooves me to learn the lesson. And that is when I fully admitted to myself about no feeling of conviction (although I’d still done my mental work every day) and the worry and fear pieces. Not a pretty sight overall. As C. S. Lewis has said: Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities.
I am still at -18 pounds since Thanksgiving. I’m cherishing this. I want to return my mental work to the comfort of solid conclusion or conviction where it’s been the other 28 days of January. Interestingly enough, I have a new treadmill in my office. Every day I ask myself, “When will you begin?” I think having me nagging me about that treadmill is a part of the weight gain as well. I know from past experience that when I have all four wheels on the track, I recognize the mental significance in all that is in my experience and my life “works.” I’d like to have all four wheels back on track. I think there’s symbolism in that with the treadmill.
So, I do my mea culpas in front of you so that you know I’m human too and I’m working on my stuff as you are. I remembered writing about absolute conviction in an earlier post, so I went to find it. Here is the main paragraph.
These words came to me as I was doing my mental work on Saturday: “It is with the greatest joy and exhileration….” Suddenly, everything else clicked into place. There was that feeling of absolute conviction that the words were true of me. From that point forward, I have embued the words of my Mind Model with that sense of joy and exhileration. It’s like the frosting on a cake, trust me. I’d had the cake for a while, but that frosting…..well, yum doesn’t begin to describe it.
I’m taking myself back there. I’m going to look like this again.